Actual listing - a mere 514K

This property needs a lot of work. Property does not have a kitchen. The plumbing and electrical may not work, and my have a sliding issue. Or hillside issue, Property was left if the middle of construction, and probably has lots of issues. Short Sale/Subj to Lender Approval, Short sale price not approved yet. Selling as land value only. This property will probably not qualify for a conventional loan, so you would probably need all cash. Buyers to do there own investigations.

Fred Sanford, Eat Your Heart Out

A junkyard AND recessed lighting. Look closely  - it seems as though hairy armed white guy is running away.

Should I clear out the sink?

No, Roy, when people are about to spend half a mil on a house, they like to see if the kitchen works. Best way to do that is picture it with lots of dirty dishes, an open cupboard and a nice bowl of porridge.

mr peepers

I'm lookin at the man in the mirror. I'm askin him to change his ways. No message is gonna get any clearer... 

500K

Anyone who thinks the bubble has burst, you can suck it.

I hope the new house has a walkman that I can jam to...

Johnston, put down the headset. I'm takin a picture. We're gonna sell this dump for almost half mil. 

She's got leeeeeggs!

Who is that damsel in the corner? Great calves. Does she come with the tiger bedspread?

Yes We Can... Sell our home?

Drew - this is for you. 

Speechless

Seriously

I looked at the mls for 45 minutes today. This was one of 6 listings featuring pics of living rooms with the TV on. SOMEONE FIND A REALTOR TO EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

Two Old Biddies and a Cook

I'm kind of speechless on this one.  I guess I hope these awesome pictures are on the kitchen picture smorgasbord. 

Not Your Typical Agent

Look! It appears she hasn't aged since she took those Olan Mills photos in 1983. I mean, why else would that be her agent photo? I just wish she'd post the one with the mountain stream backdrop... she looked so pretty in that one.

(Now, I know this isn't entirely relevant to home-searching but it's funny none-the-less. And, perhaps, more evidence that some of these realtors just can't be bothered.)

Great for Bats

"Snap the pick Reba."

"But James, shouldn't we turn on the light? Or can you show me how to turn on your flash?"

"Nah, screw that. No one cares about the living space... they'll just love the french doors."

click

Well, we got Roy off the couch...

But turning off the tv was asking too much.

Should we move it?

"Nah, I love a backyard with a bball court AND an overturned stool."

The Best Living Room Ever

"It looks kind of cramped..."

"Yeah, but look, our TV will work!"

But how is the NEIBORGHOOD?

Description:

"NICE HOUSE IN A GOOD NEIBORGHOOD, EXCELLENT FOR A FIRST TIME BUYERS. GOOD STATER HOME."

(over 1/2 mil---  reading this blog from the midwest? Just know that houses at 550K  are given this kind of attention. Jealous?)

Make it as ghetto as you wish!

Description:

Clean look!  Large lot to park a lot of cars or make play ground for kids.. *short sale approved*

"It's almost half mil!"

"Yeah - but it's got that clean look... and our couch will fit perfectly on the driveway!"

What almost 8 mil gets you...

Almost 8 million dollars. There are some ok pictures in the listing and then you get this one. 

"I don't know. 8 million is a ton of money."

"Yes, but look how good studio equipment looks in the den!"

"Ooooh. I'll TAKE it."

Make sure it's 100% moldy

"Spacious semi-remolded kitchen that opens to family room/den."

Are realtors incapable of spell-check? And how does this picture show me anything? If you say spacious, why show a tiny corner where the family stuffs their important papers by the fridge?

"Fuzzy Buyers" take note...

Copied and pasted:

"This property is in good condition. Really nice and open kitchen. The property counts with a size lot most of the outside has new concrete. Really good for your fuzzy buyers must see to appreciate. Property is sold in as conditions."

REALTOR DEFINITIONS #1: "Cozy"

"It's so small!" 

"Yes, but it's cozy. It has that cozy feel. We'd be so cozy in this house."

Co•zy. [koh-zee] Adj. 

House with 1000 square feet or less but worth the money because it's, well, cozy.

Mystery

Found a listing that has six pictures. None of the pictures are of the bedrooms. Here is the description:

Nice 3 bedroom/2 bathroom home in Los Angeles. Public records shows 2 bedrooms. The bedrooms have been freshly painted!

Why?

This is a pretty nicely appointed home. It's been re-done and polished and all of the photos are decent. Each room is clean, has minimal stuff and they added flowers for that special touch. Then there's this one. Who IS that guy? Is this for scale? Why is there crap on the couch? Did they just get tired? Am I supposed to love the house like I love his socks pulled up? 

Beauty shot

Get Gina in the picture, her hair looks great today.

Endless Driveway

"Dude, can you move your car?"

"Nah. It's great where it is."

click

"Let's get some lunch."

FANtastic

"Should we take it now?" "Sure - snap away." "What about the fans? And should we turn off the tv?" "Nah. It looks great." Click. 

An "EXECELLENT" property!

I love this. Do we get the kid and the tree with the house? Maybe the kid is pointing at the tree because it's built in to the wall? Christmas all year round? Did the realtor think this would be cute?

SEND ME YOUR OFFER!

Actual listing description:

"THIS HOUSE HAS BEEN PARTIALLY REMODELED,AREA WITH VERY GOOD POTEATIAL, SEND ME YOUR OFFER!"

Genius.

Awesome Photo

This is a great photo. Either the owners enjoy heating up the backs of their chairs or, gosh, the fireplace is a flippin mess. Maybe they keep gerbils in the flute? WHY WOULD YOU PHOTOGRAPH THE LIVING ROOM WITH  A CHAIR IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE???